The Grass is Greener

I love this. It’s just so easy to think that other people live better, have it easier, etc., because they are younger or older or more successful or single or have a family, or live in Switzerland! Or because they don’t live in Switzerland! Ha! That’s a joke.

No matter where I live, it always takes 1-2 years until I feel like I actually live in a place. By then, I’ve gotten family doctors, dentists (okay, still haven’t gotten a dentist here), know where to shop, have a circle of friends, feel like part of a community. But the thing is, no matter where you live, this all takes work. My husband thinks of it as part of my job, which is good, because it is. How do you meet people when you move to a different country?

When we first moved to Switzerland six years ago, I was seven months pregnant and already huge. I had taken some German in high school, but here, where they speak Swiss German, it felt hopeless to even try to understand what people were saying. The rules of the road are slightly different, and with my giant belly, it was very hard for me to drive. And to be honest, it scared me. So being home, pregnant, or with a new baby, was incredibly isolating. The Swiss are very reserved people, and it is hard to really get to know them–it takes a lot of time. So I had to really force myself to get out and find friends. It is a job. I started going to an English-speaking playgroup (with a new baby, this was clearly more for me than for my daughter), and I am still friends with some of the people I met there, even after moving to Dubai for two years.

When I moved to Dubai, I was determined not to be stuck at home. We had inherited a massive Nissan Armada from a colleague of Frank’s, and I took it out exploring right away. A few days after we arrived, I went to a function for the spouses of the employees at Frank’s company, and the other women were shocked that I was “already driving”. This sounds funny if you have never driven in Dubai, but it is very much like driving in India. Which I guess also doesn’t mean anything if you’ve never driven in India. Suffice it to say, you need to be very assertive and try to predict the crazy things other drivers might do at any moment. Like STOP (completely) on the freeway when they have missed an exit and then BACK-UP. On the freeway. So they can catch that exit they missed. Ah, Dubai. I do miss it sometimes.

And I joined a book club. For me, this has been the absolute best way to meet interesting, intelligent people and to better understand the perspectives of other cultures. When I moved to Dubai, this is one of the first things I did. I met some really wonderful, tolerant, supportive women from all over the world. I didn’t particularly enjoy reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love, but the conversation that books like that and Che Guevara’s Motorcycle Diaries sparked between women from places like the US, India, Canada, Iraq, Sweden, Jordan, the UAE and Turkey was fascinating. Some of those women had experienced war.  Many covered their hair whenever they were in public.  Some felt that divorce is never an option. It is hard work to sit and listen to those perspectives and try to understand them. And to share your own in a way that might help other people understand where you are coming from. I am not always good at it, but I can feel myself learning. The way it stretches me, the way I need to force myself to stop and take a deep breath and just listen. Now that I am back in Switzerland, I’m back in my old book club, which is also a wonderfully international group of amazing women. One of my friends from that club is a neighbor of mine in the tiny village where we moved. I feel so grateful, so blessed.

Another one of my friends from that book club is constantly amazing us with stories of all the things she is always doing with her Swiss neighbors. As I said, the Swiss are very reserved and they are wary of foreigners. It can take years to get to know them. Which is why, when she was relating her last activity with the Swiss ladies in her village, I asked her how long she had been there. I thought she’d say ten years or something– how else could she have gotten to know her Swiss neighbors so well? A few years, she said. Amazed, I asked how she did it. She said when they bought their house, she knew they would be the only foreigners in her new village. So she wrote a little note introducing her family and put one in everyone’s mailbox. She followed-up, and did the work to get to know them. That was a great lesson for me.

So yes, the grass is greener here.  The cows love it.

Hausfrau arbeit–making it to Aldi in time to get a vacuum

I’m not sure what the reputation of Aldi is like in America these days.  Fifteen years ago (that makes me feel old), I depended on Aldi to get me through law school and still eat. I love it for helping me to do that. I always found their produce to be of good quality, and affordable for a broke law student. The company is actually German, and in Germany, it does have a reputation of carrying good quality, inexpensive items. It took some time, but these days, the general opinion there is that you’d be stupid not to shop there. Aldi is new to Switzerland though, having only entered the market a couple of years ago.

When we first moved to Switzerland almost six years ago, there were basically only two largish (by Swiss standards) grocery stores, Coop and Migros, usually 1/4 to 1/3 the size (if that) of any grocery store in the U.S. While Migros is a little less expensive than Coop, I was blown away by how expensive everything was at both.  I would go to the grocery store with a recipe in hand, planning to make something, and when I saw how much the ingredients were, I would give up.  I just couldn’t justify spending $5 on a can of [whatever].  I’d leave without buying the things I had specifically come for. Kind of demoralizing, actually.

Add to that the opening hours (or lack thereof), and shopping in Switzerland is downright inconvenient.  Most places close around six every day, nothing is open on Sunday, and some still close for a “Mittagspause” at lunch time.  You usually have to pay for parking and you need to have a 2 Franc coin with you to put in the grocery cart.  (If you’ve ever shopped at Aldi in the US, you know about this–you have to do that at every store here.)  You also have to bring your own grocery bags or buy them at the store.  I sense that is becoming more common in the US too.

Enter Aldi–where you can buy food that is reasonably priced, you don’t have to pay for parking, AND they are open until 8 p.m. during the week.  (Of course they still close at 6 on Saturday and are closed on Sunday.)  These small conveniences dramatically improved the convenience level of shopping here.  There is a new Aldi just a 15 minute drive from us.  Wow.  And now the village just across the lake from our house has a Lidl, another German store similar to Aldi, which is also open until 8 p.m. every week night.  My quality of life has seriously improved.

These places send out flyers every week of the upcoming specials, which is also very exciting.  Exciting enough for the Hausfrau to brew a cup of tea or coffee, take a little break and peruse the latest offers.  Exciting stuff.  I know I must really be making you want to move to Switzerland.

Anyway, today Aldi had vacuum cleaners on offer.  My husband was very concerned that I get to Aldi before it opened at 8 a.m. so I could get one.  This is how it is sometimes.  Think day-after-Thanksgiving shopping in America.  Well, I didn’t get there until 8:15, and as I was putting my coin into my grocery cart I noticed the other women (men don’t do the shopping–unless they are retirees accompanying their Hausfraus) sizing me up, thinking they better get in there before me, in case I was after the same product.  You can let out your breath–I was successful.  And now as I write this, I am in possession of a brand new vacuum cleaner.*  AND two new toilet seats.  Score.

*I know my German husband is just as excited about the USE of this vacuum cleaner, so I will have to at least take it out of the box today.  And when do I use it, I can happily remind myself that I am saving us $30 for every hour I clean, since that is what a cleaning lady costs here.  Which, by the way, is the same hourly rate I  made working as a lawyer on a contract basis for my former American law firm.  I mean, I guess I’d rather be lawyering than cleaning, but still . . .

Today’s big achievement: making a vet appointment

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Here she is, our lovely Gracie, who will be eight months old next week.  She looks to be very helpfully shoveling snow in this photo, but she just really likes chewing on the shovel.  Sometimes it really is like having another child.  And this morning I’ve been consumed with a dilemma about her the same […]